Identifying Red Flags In Relationships
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| image credit: Insider |
A relationship is any kind of association or connection between people, whether intimate, platonic, positive, or negative.
There are four basic types of relationships namely:
1.Family relationships
2.Acquaintances
3.Friendships
4.Romantic relationships
“Ships” that look like romantic relationships
Situationships:
A situationship is a romantic relationship that has not been defined explicitly, usually by omission. The relationship may share many characteristics with a committed relationship, a casual relationship, or dating, but the people involved have not labelled it as such.
Are you in a romantic relationship or a situationship? think about that for a second.
Romantic relationships
A romantic relationship is the most intimate type of relationship, and the two people involved will frequently describe themselves as "attracted to" and/or "in love." They have an incredibly strong connection and bond with each other that they do not share with anyone else, including close friends, and the bond is exclusive and monogamous.
Love, trust, respect, support, acceptance, shared interests, and a desire for the two people involved to share their lives together are the foundations of successful romantic relationships.
When it becomes clear that the two people involved are not compatible and do not want to spend their lives together, the relationship may end after a few months. In other cases, people are unable to identify certain "red flags" in their relationships, which may be affecting them on a mental and emotional level, in order to shake hands and walk away.
Understanding the Red flags
In relationships, red flags are signs that the person probably can't have a healthy relationship and proceeding down the road together would be emotionally dangerous (Gould, 2021).
It should be noted that red flags in a relationship may not be obvious. While some are very clear, many are more of a hint or clue that there is an underlying problem. It may also take some time for a red flag to appear in a relationship.
A partner with no friends
If your partner struggles to make and maintain relationships, this could indicate a lack of social skills, a difficult personality, or a negative attitude toward others. It may be a sign that you will also struggle to connect with them.
Another issue with a partner who has no friends is that they may be clingy or demand too much of your time, if not all of it. They may rely on you for happiness and entertainment and fail to recognize your desire or need to spend time with your friends, leading to feelings of suffocation, resentment, and unhappiness.
Emotionally abusive
A relationship is generally considered to be emotionally abusive when there is a pattern of abusive language and bullying actions that erode a person's sense of self-worth and jeopardise their mental wellbeing. This usually happens through manipulating someone emotionally through criticism, embarrassment, shame, and other forms of blame.
This warning sign should undoubtedly be taken seriously because a 2013 study(Karakurt & Silver, 2013) revealed that emotional abuse may be just as destructive as physical violence, contributing to both depression and low self-esteem.
Examples of Emotional Abuse
Your abusive partner cracks jokes that are hurtful while complaining you are too sensitive.
The abuser makes you feel as if your feelings are wrong or they don't matter.
The abuser makes you apologize for things you didn't do. The abuser makes you feel selfish or stupid because of their actions.
The abuser may put words in your mouth or speak for you without your consent to undermine your self-esteem.
The abuser has sharp mood swings. One moment they seem distant, the next they are not available, and then they are loving. Such behaviour turns an independent person into a people pleaser full of anxiety.
Controlling and Excessive Possessive Behaviour
According to a 2010 meta-analysis, envy hurts romantic relationships because it causes the relationship quality to decline as jealousy levels rise. A 2014 study also found that those in partnerships where one partner exhibited excessive possessive behaviour early on were more likely to have poor communication patterns later on (Laderer, 2022).
Control attempts usually begin subtly but gradually increase in intensity, leaving you feeling as if nothing you do is 'good enough.' Let us understand that if you notice yourself feeling smothered or consistently changing your behaviour to appease your partner's jealousy, it could be a sign of bigger problems to come if the relationship continues with your partner's unwillingness to change.
Absence of support for you and the relationship
If your partner doesn't actively show support for you and the relationship, this could be a red flag.
Active display of support and interest in your wellbeing is not a tradeoff in any relationship you find yourself in. A lack of interest in your partner's life, their growth as a person, and being there for them should not be tolerated in a relationship.
For example, A partner unconcerned by your failing grades and doesn’t flinch when you constantly miss classes appearing unbothered is a red flag. A partner that brushes off your sudden mood change when he/she observes an unexplained emotional instability.
Every relationship requires effort from both parties to maintain the intimacy or progress it.
When you begin to realise you are putting in far more effort than necessary in your relationship as compared to your partner, it may be a sign that they do not care much for either you, or the relationship.
For example, always putting in your best effort to celebrate your partner's birthday and not receive some of that energy back or sometimes no energy at all.
Always being the one to push for dates and other couple activities outside the bedroom.
Physically Abusive
Under no circumstance, should your partner raise their hand at you or threaten to physically abuse you. This is a HUGE Red flag!!!
Unfortunately, what we don’t realise is that, the moment we tolerate it for the first and second time, accepting their excuses and rationalising why they did it, we unknowingly begin a pattern of constant abuse. Overtime, your partner would not even feel the need to explain why they did it or apologise even.
Please if you find yourself in an emotional or physically abusive relationship and do not know how to get out, please seek help!!! Talk to someone!!! Don’t normalise it because it really isn’t.
Love Yourself
Even with all this said, I understand it can be difficult to acknowledge the red flags in your relationships and take action because you may truly love the individual and that’s okay. But let's remember that even the bible teaches us not to love our neighbours more than ourselves.
Self love, Self care must come first above all else in your relationships of any kind with others. Compromising on YOU is never an option.
Post Credit: Sophia Amoah(clean-gh)
